Here we go foolz! Gay Super Bowl Sunday has arrived! Check back starting around 6:00 PM EST for entirely too much deconstruction of this most holy events on this most holy of days.
Continue reading "Oscars Oscars Oscars Oscars Oscars Oscars Oscars Live Blog Squee!!!!!!!!!!!" »
(T/F: This photograph is terrifying.)
***UPDATED AGAIN!: Aforementioned technical difficulties have been rectified! Partially! Meaning that I have to watch TV Guide Channel's red carpet coverage instead of E!'s. But let's be real: watching celebrities dodge the silicone trainwreck that is Velisaraptor is so much more entertaining than watching them dodge Ryan Seacrest.
Anyway, the important this is: I'll be live blogging AND Tweeting these Academy Awards, and there is sure to be tomfoolery, shenannigans AND ballyhoo in equal measure, from roughly 5:00 PM till whenever the show ends in Avatarian tragedy. (JK. I don't think it'll win. UNLESS IT DOES.)
So log on and tune in and...stuff. K bye!
Continue reading "Very Important Announcement To Be Marked Upon Your Calendar--UPDATED AGAIN!" »
There are plenty of choices for Pretty Pretty Princess. I feel Jayma Mays deserves a mention. Also, Olivia Wilde. Toni Collette. Emily Blunt.
But all those bitches can suck it. Because without a doubt, the best dressed was
Monica Gellar.
Yes, yes, I can hear you all bellowing "the fuck?" and "bitch please", but that just serves to underline your ignorance. You should really take the time to get all the facts before you make a judgment like this. Nobody has short-listed this as "Best Dressed", and they do so at their peril. Why? Because this dress is the creation of a designer whose inspiration is divine, the handiwork of the Creator, the stitchery of the universe's seamstress.
Who created this dress?
Sigh.
Sometimes I can't decide what's more infuriating: the people at these shindigs who look terrible, or the people who WOULDN'T look terrible if it weren't for one tiny, incredibly ill-advised sticking point. Let's begin with the reigning queen of the "Yes, But", Miss Drew Barrymore.
Continue reading "Parsing the Golden Globulars: Fashion Edition, Book Two: Yes, But..." »
In fact, my day-after-Globulars began, upon logging into my email, with IMs awaiting me from my dear darling Camaryn (sister to the ever-witty Miss Kate and the victim--or beneficiary?--of this), which went thusly:
Which seems like as good a place to start as any. Ahoy!
Continue reading "Parsing the Golden Globulars: Fashion Edition, Book One: Really?" »
You guys seriously. I’m not even making a joke about this, okay? I need a serious, informative, legitimate answer.
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH MADONNA.
So, as previously mentioned (long-windedly), this Sunday is the Oscars! Wee! And we all know that the best part of the Oscars is not celebrating filmic excellence, but making fun of people on the red carpet!
Am I right?
And, as any American with his priorities in order knows, E! is the place to go for red carpet coverage. But not anymore. Trust me on this. Forgo the E! and click on down to the TV Guide Network.
After all, why would you watch cock-obsessed muppet Ryan Seacrest and Skeletor McMarried-to-that-dude-from-The-Apprentice on E!, when TV Guide Network’s coverage is hosted by a laboratory-made hybrid?
Continue reading "Who Needs E When There's the TV Guide Channel?" »
Well, kidlets. The world is burning down around us, but so what! Because Sunday is the Gay Super Bowl! (That’s the Oscars. ‘citing, isn’t it? I know! Uh!)
Which means it’s time for our second annual Should Win/Will Win! Yayyyyy!
It's a tough competition this year, folks. The Should Win part, in particular. But even the Will Win is a bit tricky. Granted, some of it can be summed up thusly:
But the rest is all a bit murky, no?
Ah! But! This year, I’ll be utilizing the stats skills of Mr. Nate Silver! Hurrah! He’s the one who basically fortune-told the whole presidential election using math. Or maths, if you’re British.
So he’s like even more omnipotent than Our Lady of Intergalactic Resplendence!
Anyway, he’s figured the whole ceremony out, and if you’re smart, you’ll set your Oscar pool clocks by his watch and then win lots of dough at work, instead of that douchebag suburban commuter lady who always leaves those passive-aggressive notes in the lunch room and wins the Oscar pool every year because she has no idea what’s going on and saw none of the movies and just guesses on every category and gets lucky! Yay!
So jump the jump and we’ll try to get this sorted.
This year's Oscar red carpet was a bit...well, meh. Everyone wore either black or red for some reason. Jewelry was kept to a minimum. And the whole thing was just sort of subdued. And while there really weren't any actual DISASTERS--a few missteps, but no travesties--all in all it was just a bit of a disappointment.
However, there is still plenty to discuss. First of all, WHAT was the deal with Ryan Seacrest's tuxedo?!?! Black and brown DON'T GO TOGETHER. I don't care what anyone says. Daniel Day-Lewis, you're not off the hook here either, buddy boy. Not cute. But at least DDL's was a very thin sort of lapel BORDER of chocolate brown on black. Not NEARLY as egregious as Seacrest's. You'll see it in a moment if you missed it. It's AWFUL. I mean, seriously! Who is in charge of this shi*! I am so tired of these Hollywood stylist idiots trying to "buck convention" all the time. I'm all for bucking convention, but there are some rules that, while old-fashioned, are GOOD RULES. No brown on black is one of them! It's fuc*ing UGLY.
Anyway. The biggest red carpet moment was crazy, crazy, batshi* insane Gary Busey going apeshi* on Seacrest, Laura Linney and Jennifer Garner. It was the weirdest thing EVER. Watch Laura and Jennifer run away in fear when Busey first yells out. Check it:
I mean...what? So many questions, chief among them: WHY WAS GARY BUSEY AT THE OSCARS. Why. Someone owes us all an explanation. At least we got some very funny reactions out of Laura and Jennifer though. I guess that was the upshot. And speaking of Laura and Jennifer...
Garner. looked. amazing. Seriously. Love the dress, love the hair, love the makeup. She looks fuc*ing awesome.
Linney was one of the more subdued and simple of the night, but God did she look elegant:
Right? Again, simple, not particularly wow, but still. Elegant, totally suits her body, and she looked fantastic. I'm a huge Linney fan, so it was great to see her looking so good. Usually she goes with something more pastel and girly, so it was cool to see her in something more ball-busting.
Who else looked good...hmmm. Oh!
This pains me because I loathe her. But, credit where credit is due:
She may be a no-talent hack, but bitc* looked incredible in Marchesa.
Amy Ryan looked great. Again, a bit dull:
and typically simple of Calvin Klein, but still. She looked great. For a first-time Oscar attendee/nominee, a good choice. Flattering but not at all risky.
Look at Ruby Dee:
Is she not adorable? Well done.
This one I needed a minute with:
It takes getting used to. I mean, it's a bit odd, a mermaid theme...But it grew on me. And while I am still not a fan of the whole 3-D effect going on in the hip area, I've decided I kinda dig it for the following reasons: #1--MARION COTILLARD. #2--It's Jean Paul Gaultier. It's meant to be a little avant-garde. But it fits her well and makes her look so buxom and sexy, and I adore her and want her to come live with me so that we can become best friends.
Here's another one I'm not particularly a fan of, but who I thought looked amazing:
We had lots of dissention about the shoulder circle detail in my apartment, but I'm coming down on the "yes" side. It think it's cool. She looks great. Her makeup's a bit slapdash, a bit heavy, but overall I think she looks fantastic, and really triumphed over her totally-over-it attitude that she always has. Seriously, what is Sourpuss McGee's Katherine's prob? She's always bitc*ing about something. And she comes off so entitled. I'm over her. Yeah, yeah, yeah we KNOW. You're white trash who made good. So's Swank and she's always perfectly lovely. Lighten up Heigl. My God.
Speaking of Swank:
A bit blah, but really, I think it's just because there was SO MUCH BLACK. Otherwise, I think it would have really popped. And I was just happy to see the Swank finally cheat on Calvin Klein. I think this is...Valentino or something. Anyway, after years and years and years of the Swank is some bland beige CK, this was a welcome departure.
This is another one I debated on:
It's just this side of drag queen, I think. On anyone else, I'd totally make fun of it. But it's Heidi. She can do whatever she wants.
And there's this which, haircut notwithstanding, I thought was rad:
But really, Renee, grow that shi* out. Please. You are not Posh. Did you guys see her fussing with her hair before she walked the carpet? SHE HATES HER HAIR. You could tell. She loathes it. I agree. But the dress is good. It's very retro, I feel. It looks like something a young Marilyn Monroe would have worn or something. I dig it.
However, sidebar: my roommate said that she looks like a velociraptor poised to leap from nowhere and kill. I agree. Zellwegeraptor is fixin' to pounce toward my jugular and it is a bit unnerving.
Anyway. Keri Russell looked incredible:
Though I DO WISH she would learn to stand up straight.
And now, for my favorite look of the night....
Wait for it....
CORRECT.
THE ALMOST BUT NOT QUITES
As I said, there were very few things I hated. But there were a handful of things that I didn't love...Things that went a bit awry because of one or two unfortunate elements. Like this:
As I said in my post about the SAG Awards: THREESCORE AND SEVEN YEARS OLD. She is fuc*ing HOT, and this dress is a fuc*ing wet dream. But WHAT in the ever-loving HELL are those gloves?! She looks like she's about to handle dangerous chemicals! Or like she's working in one of those power plant things Homer Simpson operates, where you stick your arms through those sleeve things and handle uranium or whatever it is that make nuclear power plants go? They're just so odd. I'm perplexed. And I do not care for pink shoes with this A-TALL. Still, the dress itself, the hair, the jewels, Julie, the rest is all top-notch. So I half forgive her. Almost-but-not-quite.
Next:
I've deliberated on this a lot, and I've decided it's great, but I'm just not a fan of this neckline...it's just...odd...it looks like she has a kerchief tied round her neck holding her dress up. Forgiveable, but still almost-but-not-quite.
Next:
First off, I love the Mirren. A lot. She's incredibly talented, incredibly classy and yet has this very bawdy, wicked sense of humor I love. I mean, look at her here: you know bitc* is making some pole-dancing joke in this photo! She's the shi*. And this dress is fuc*ing GORGEOUS. But the bedazzled sleeves? Why? I vote no. Now, grant ye, in this particular shot, it's not half bad. But at certain angles--mainly head-on--it just looks downright odd. A member of my party brought up a good point: "But she's old! What is she supposed to do, walk the red carpet with her flabby old lady arms flapping in the breeze?" Fair enough. But there are other ways to cover up unattractive arm fat...I'm not particularly a fan of this one. Still, the dress itself and all else are fantastic. So, almost-but-not-quite.
Now this one I really wrestled with:
JHud, JHud, JHud. While this a VAST improvement over that gold lamé bolero jacket fever dream nightmare you wore last year...the cutouts on the side are doing you NONE favors. I mean...well, I don't need to say it. It's right there in front of us. No need. Almost-but-not-quite, cuz I kinda dig the dress.
And finally, Amy Adams:
She looks amazing. Great color for her without a doubt. But that neckline makes me think of one thing: Jessica Rabbit. Almost-but-not-quite.
Now before we move on to the truly criminal, I'd like to take a moment for a fourth category I've decided to include for those that don't really fit into the other three categories. They are neither good, nor almost-but-not-quite, nor bad. They just ARE. Firstly:
Diablo Cody. I couldn't find a full-length picture of this, but you get the idea. It goes to the floor, and there is a slit up one side that goes nearly all the way to her hip. Now, obviously, not the most FASIONABLE of outfits. But come on. We're talking about the sharp-tongued, former stripper-cum-blogger (that's cum as in LATIN, not cum as in...what you might automatically assume it would be when following the word 'stripper') turned Juno screenwriter. I mean, what would you expect her to wear? Some frilly Marchesa? Some girly Proenza Schouler? Some snore of a Calvin Klein? 'Twould make no sense. So I say, fine. I WANT someone like Diablo to go to something elegant like the Oscars and wear something irreverent like this. Good for her.
Next.
I know, I know, I know. It's terrible. I know. But people. IT'S TILDA SWINTON. I mean, come on! What is she SUPPOSED to be wearing? Pink Escada?! Please! This is who Tilda IS. Do you think she gives one flying FUC* about fashion? Hell no! She doesn't even particularly care that she won an Oscar, I'd be willing to bet! That's not her deal. She is an artist. And I mean that with no sarcasm or irony. She's a performance artist. Until very recently, her entire career was based on really avant-garde, underground films. So, she's SUPPOSED to wear something odd. That's how she do and how she roll. That's what's up with the Swinton.
Sidebar: true or false: this is the most horrifying photograph taken all night. GAHHH! The Alien Queen is going to eat that little boy! Call the S.W.A.T. team! Shoot to kill!
Finally, rounding out this category:
Good ol' Viggo. I don't think this is bad, just a bit odd. But like
the Alien Queen Tilda, Viggo's a bit artsy and whatnot. He'd look great in a traditional Armani or Zegna or Varvatos, but, hell, why should he? Why not mix it up? He's got a certain bohemian I'm-busy-sculpting-in-between-movies thing going. So fine. And he still looks dead sexy in this. However, has anyone else noticed that he's been on a bit of a Civil War kick of late? All that's missing is a musket. Wait...I think muskets were done with by the Civil War...right? Or...I don't know, any Southerners reading, feel free to clarify. I'm just saying. The outfit is v. Civil War, and his SAG Awards thing was too, plus dapper-OK-Corral. Anyway, it's all a bit odd...but, then, ya know...Viggo.
And now, the moment you've all been waiting for...
THE EGREGIOUS AND TERRIBLE
Ahem.
First and foremost, the always tragic Cameron Diaz. Seriously? I don't get Diaz. She is such a pretty girl, and yet she ALWAYS looks TERRIBLE. ALWAYS. It's almost as if she's overly confident in how pretty she is so she thinks she needn't bother. It's terribly perplexing. Okay, here we go:
Cameron! STEAM YOUR FUC*ING DRESS! What is wrong with her?! Look how wrinkled this shi* is! It's an effing MESS! And look at the front, below her vaginal area. That shi* is pulling like WHAT. Now, I realize that the pulling is so intense that it can only be on purpose. Clearly, whoever made this--I forget who now--designed it this way. Why is a mystery, because all it succeeds in doing is making Cameron D look like she must have become 40 lbs. meatier in the drumsticks overnight. Baaaaad.
But as if that weren't enough:
GAH! Cameron! Listen to me! FIRE THE VICIOUS QUEEN WHO DOES YOUR MAKEUP. STAT. She looks TERRIBLE! Again, not unexpected. Poor Cameron has bad skin and always has, and for whatever reason, she never does anything about it. It's v. perplexing. But come on! How do you NOT KNOW that you need some very good makeup up on your head to correct things?! YOU ARE A MOVIE STAR. And for fuc*'s sake DO YOUR HAIR. Get it to-fuc*in-gether Diaz. She looks like she just finished shagging whoever she's currently with--I've heard John Mayer...or has he already come to his senses and put a stop to this latest round in his unending saga of dating completely unsuitable and intellectualy inferior women?--put her hair back in a rubber band, picked her dress up out of the corner where it landed after she balled it up and threw it, and then went to the Oscars.
I mean...
Next up, DDL's lovely wife and Arthur Miller progeny, Rebecca Miller:
INCORRECT.
Next, the Ford-Flockharts:
First off: I AM SO OVER HARRISON FORD. I don't get everyone's fascination with him. He was hot back in the day, sure. Now, he's just turned into a midlife-crisising old dude with an earring that is fuc*ing RIDIC.
And as for you Flockhart. You are WEE and curvaceous as a two-by-four. A dress like this hangs on you like CURTAINS. And for God's sake DO YOUR FUC*ING HAIR! Between you and Diaz, I'm ready to come out there and do it my damn self, and believe me when I say I know NOTHING about doing hair. Please, I can't even do my own! But I am CERTAIN I could do better than piling your scraggly shi* on top of your head like you're muh-fuc*ing PEBBLES FLINTSTONE. What is WRONG with you?!
Also, do you agree that were there dialogue bubbles above their heads, they would go something like this?
Ford: Oh no...I poopied in my pantsies again. Oh God...this is worse than having to do that movie "Hollywood Homicide" with Josh Hartnett. Oh God--don't make me move! I might do it again. I just need to breathe...
Flockhart: I swear to Christ, if you don't wipe that weird look off your face and play it cool so that people don't suspect you've just defecated in your tux, I will leave you the moment our marriage meets the CA state mandated ten years and I can take 50% of your fortune with me.
And finally, this one:
Oh believe me, I know. She looks gorgeous. There's no arguing that. But I loathe her, so she gets put down here with the rest of the criminals. Why? Because she needs to be taught a lesson. And that lesson is that when you are a NO-TALENT HACK who has NEVER made a SINGLE well-reviewed or particularly PROFITABLE film in your entire career, you have NO RIGHT to be so uppity, entitled, pedantic, conceited and generally unpleasant. This one makes Heigl seem like Shirley Temple and Diaz seem like an intellectual on par with, say, The Alien Queen the Swinton. So you see, I HAVE to put her down here in last place. How else will she learn?
Oh, and Jessica, darling, please stop making stupid comments about how you hope your babies turn out to be dark-skinned nerds. And when you get a moment? Make a movie that doesn't fuc*ing suck (well, except for Sin City. That was pretty tight).
Deepest regards,
John the Craptist
Tis a very busy day today at HQ and I don't have as much time as I'd like to dedicate to last night's SAG Awards. However, there are a few VITALLY important points we need to discuss.
First and foremost:
I never thought I'd say this even if I lived for one trillion years, but last night on the SAG Awards? I missed Ryan Seacrest.
I know, I know. But seriously? Debbie Matenopoulos is such a blithering idiot that she made Ryan Seacrest, whom she was replacing due to illness, seem eloquent and brilliant by comparison.
I seriously don't have words that will accurately describe what an idiot this woman is. First off--and only about 30 minutes or so into the red carpet footage--we had her encounter with this fellow Midwestern genius, who I could only love more if she were, say, actually related to me by blood, because, after all, I'm she can type faster than Mavis Beacon:
She's Julie Fischer from 'The Office.'
Except that she's actually JENNA Fischer. But Debbie can't be bothered to call people by their correct names. She'll just pick any ol' name as long as it starts with the correct letter.
Now, Jenna's kind of a big deal. She's one of the stars of one of the biggest shows on television, and I think I saw that she actually WON the SAG Award LAST YEAR. It's not like she's a nobody. And even if she WAS a nobody Dummie Matendumbasspoulos has a TEAM of people working around her telling her what to say. I know this for two reasons. #1: That is how live television works. #2: You will never convince me that she's intelligent enough to come up with her own lines, because she's mentally retarded.
On a separate note, I do not care for Jenna's dress. It makes her boobs look droopy and the straps look like a seat belt one might wear on a roller coaster. Not a fan.
Dumbass Matendipsh*topoulidiotos next flubbed this dude's name:
(Incidentally: yo...)
Apparently, his name is Eric Mabian. Even though it's really Mabius. Like Julie Jenna up there, Eric is also one of the stars of one of TV's biggest shows right now, 'Ugly Betty.' Why Dorothy Metropolis doesn't know his name is anyone's guess. I've never even SEEN 'Ugly Betty' and I know this dude's name.
Next, I'd like anyone who can cogently explain what the ever-loving hell THIS was about to email me post haste so that I can stop thinking about it:
"You'd rather be a nanny than a nurse"??????
What in the hell does that even MEAN, Darla Maybellineatokomos? One thing is for sure, it was some sort of joke about Judith Light's age, and what the fuc* is that about? How dare you make fun of Angela Bower's age on a red carpet?! What is WRONG with you?!
Then there was Giuliana Rancic (neé Depandi or somesuch) who kept asking every actress on the red carpet "How do you keep your amazing body?" She asked this roughly a four hundred and thirty-seven times. That is an estimate since I lost count.
But THEN she had the audacity to include HERSELF in the category of women who are "dying to know" how all the women from 'Desperate Housewives' keep their figures, and when Teri Hatcher talked about how important it is to accept yourself for who you are (eyeroll) regardless of your size (eyeroll) because constantly comparing yourself to celebrities can be emotionally toxic (bullet to the head), Giuliana included herself in the group of women who struggle with body image issues as well.
Now fuc*ing LOOK AT HER:
SHE IS A STICK INSECT.
As well as, apparently, an idiot. But not, for the record, nearly as bad as Douchey Manicottipotamus, who, by the way, kept call Giulian 'G'.
Moving on.
Dear Nikki Blonsky:
Why are you wearing a bridesmaid dress to the SAG Awards? Just because the salesgirl at David's Bridal told you that front hem was a good idea doesn't mean you should listen. Also, you need to tone down the oh-my-God-I-can't-believe-this-is-happening-to-li'l-ol'-me histrionics stat. Own the moment or shut up.
Next, we need to discuss this:
Now let's get one thing straight before we have our point/counterpoint.
I.
LOVE.
JANE KRAKOWSKI.
I love her a lot. #1: Girl's a thick, buxom chick in an industry that probably regards her as 'fat' and she don't give a FUC* and rocks that shi* like a car crash anyway. If I was the sort of person who enjoyed sexual relations with the womenfolk, I would bang her like pots and pans. #2: She is multi-talented. She is a brilliant comedian, can sing like a mutha fuc*a, and has a Tony up in this bitc*. #3: I have deep suspicions that she would make any party CRUNK AS HELL because she would a--drink a lot, b--sit in a corner with me making catty remarks about other guests and c--I suspect that she has a similar sense of humor to my friend Cammie, who is fond of singing early-90's rap songs in the voice of Julie Andrews (her specialty is 'Rump Shaker'); I can see Jane doing similar to the delight of party-goers young and old. #5: Apart from SAG Award-winner Alec Baldwin, she might be my favorite part of '30 Rock.' She is hilarious. I am tempted to post multiple and sundry YouTube clips of her as Jenna Maroney as evidence, but feel that would be tedious for me and irritating for you. BUT. It cannot be ignored. THIS:
After all, it WAS #1 on Israel's pop charts for several weeks in a row.
So. Let there be no mistake.
I
LOVE
JANE KRAKOWSKI.
However...the big reveal of this dress came as we returned from a commercial break, and either Giuliana or Ducky Marshmallopotokamopolopoulous, I neither remember nor care which, informed us that she and Jane had been snarkily critiquing others' outfits during the commercial.
I won't belabor the point, but I feel pretty strongly that those who reside in colorfully-painted-Tinkertoys-
glued-to-those-artificial-craftstore-grapes-used-for-wreathmaking-glued-to-lemon-drops-that-are-so-
heavy-they-appear-to-be-pulling-your-boobs-down-to-the-red-carpet houses shouldn't be throwing stones.
And finally, because I cannot end my critique on an anti-Krakowski note because, as I have made abundantly clear, I HEART THE KRAKOWSKI :
SAG Members: when one show, which everyone had already forgotten about because it isn't even on the air anymore and everyone had stopped watching anyway and had a really stupid finale that pissed everyone off, wins EVERYTHING, it makes for a REEEALLY boring show.
And now for the good parts.
This:
YES SANDRA OH. Lots of people seem to hate it, and I in fact DO hate the pink ribbon falling down the front, but photoshop that out and I think it's fuc*ing FIERCE.
CORRECT, Marion Cotillard, star of 'La Vie en Rose' who is impossibly beautiful and should have won the award for Best Actress for her heart-stopping portrayal of Edith Piaf instead of the still-very-deserving-but-just-not-as-much-as-Marion Julie Christie.
And speaking of whom:
SIXTY-SEVEN YEARS OLD PEOPLE. SIXTY-SEVEN. 3 SCORE AND SEVEN YEARS.
Dear Mr. Bardem:
Although--despite the fact that I've thought you were brilliant ever since 'Before Night Falls' and the fact that I think 'No Country For Old Men' should win Best Picture at the Oscars and the fact that, aside from the Coen brothers being geniuses, that is entirely due to your incredibly brilliant performance therein--you were, in fact, my second choice for Best Supporting Actor in a Drama and I feel very strongly that Julia Sugarbaker's husband Hal Holbrook was robbed and is a victim of the fact that like 4 people saw 'Into the Wild' and that depending on how you look at things it may or may not have been a particularly good movie and while we're on the subject, why was Emile Hirsch so wooden and dead-eyed when he and Mr. Sugarbaker announced 'Into the Wild' as one of the ensemble cast nominees?
Apart from all of that and, now that I'm thinking about it, the fact that after watching you last night I suspect that you may or may not be a touch impressed with yourself, but then you Europeans are often hard to read and easy to misjudge, as evidenced by the fact that you are often misconstrued as gay when really you're just sort of Euro-fey and more fashionable than the typical American straight man, I'd like to extend an invitation to you to stay in my guest room (by which I mean an air mattress on my living room floor, or, if you happen to have a bad back, on my very supportive mattress beside me in my bed) the next time you find yourself in New York and in need of lodging. Or just hospitality.
And speaking, Senor Bardem, of the man whom you robbed of an award:
Look at the Sugarbakers on the red carpet last night!!!! Are you kidding me?! How can you not love them?!?! If there is a God, I will wake up tomorrow morning to find that the Sugarbakers, by some miracle that surpasses human understanding, have in fact become my grandparents, and they will come to visit me often, whereupon Mr. Hal Sugarbaker (neé Holbrook) will take me to a dimly-lit bar with leather couches where we will sit drinking brandy from snifters talking films, and Mrs. Julia Sugarbaker (neé Carter; and also Dixie, come to think of it) will take me shopping for a nice suit to wear to the museum fundraiser I will attend as her guest that evening (cause those aren't really Hal's thing). Also, Julia/Dixie's grey streaks are fierce like WHAT.
And finally, Daniel Day-Lewis's win for 'There Will Be Blood' was awesome enough. I don't know how he manages to consistently top his previous performances but he somehow does. I think he might be possessed by Satan or something. Or, alternatively, he's Jesus. One or the other. Regardless, the man is incredible. He's one of those actors that disappears entirely into a character, making you forget completely that you're watching Daniel Day-Lewis. I have a degree in acting (stop that snickering--two-bit, bargain-basement degrees still count as degrees) and I can't even begin to comprehend how he does what he does. It's beyond me, and in all seriousness, I am in awe of him.
But I digress. His winning was fantastic enough. His eloquent, heartfelt dedication of his award to the memory of Heath Ledger was by far the best part of the night:
Well put, DDL.
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