Okay, hi: WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH JOEQUINN PHOENIX.
Seriously. First there was the whole “I’m quitting acting” thing, which is just stupid and narcissistic because:
A—It attempts to make a statement about how NOT narcissistic he is—“Look at me, I’m so beyond Hollywood, it’s so empty, you know? And I’m so much more than that,” which is, well, narcissistic. And stupid.
B—It assumes we care (which we do, but that’s beside the point), which is very narcissistic and also just stupid.
So we’re already starting off kind of, you know…ugh. But then on top of it, there’s his “rap” career, as evidenced here, which is a giant tub of “yikes” and makes you do that sort of wince thing that you do when someone is making a GIANT fool of his/herself, such as the other day when some dumbshit NYU tart crossed the street in front of me wearing SHINY LEGGINGS. No, I’m not kidding. SHINY LEGGINGS. With STIRRUPS. Or, you know, like the latest pictorial of Madonna Ciccone-Penn-Ritchie and a radiant WWF in W magamazine. Or like Jennifer Aniston saying—PUBLICLY—that she has old tapes of Brad Pitt’s answering machine messages that she listens to now and again for nostalgia’s sake.
You know the sort of reaction I mean. It’s that wince and sharp inhale through your teeth that says, “Oh HONEY. Honey NO.” You know that wince?
Right, well that’s what Joequinn’s rapping inspires. S’not good. It’s a MOUNTAIN of s’not good. And as I’m sure you know, every mountain has its peak, its pinnacle, its apex. And this one is no exception.