So Her Incomparable Excellence has changed her hair.
Meh. I don’t know. It’s not bad. But it’s definitely not majah either. It’s a touch on the side of Spunky Aerobics Instructor or Overeager Elementary School Art Teacher. However, I agree that she needed to change it. I mean, once your haircut has its own name (The Pob) and every woman in America—not to mention a handful of ultra-gay menz—has it—right on down to Queens trash hairdressers that are so tanned you can’t tell if they’re white or indigenous—and you’re Her Infinite Celestial Perfection, it’s time to change. We can’t have her becoming The Rachel 2.0 now, can we?
Anyway. Other than the haircut, I’d like to present to you the following photos for review.
Don’t you give me that coquettish look, Victoria, or you’re going to get a spanky on your bum…
Now all kidding aside, listen very carefully: The next two are each varying degrees of terrifying, so I suggest you visit the potty and swallow any and all liquids that may be taking residence in your mouth at the present before scrolling down.
Seriously, J. Lo is going to eat me. She is .03 seconds away from lurching through the MacBook screen—from the past, across space and time—to sink her teeth into my jugular. That is how evil she is. Don’t look at her too long or she will digest your soul without you even realizing it. Observe how Poshbot positions herself away from J. Lo—and yes, this is definitely Poshbot and not Posh, because Posh would NEVER deign to give audience to a fool like J. Lo, for two reasons: A—J. Lo is not worthy, and 2—J. Lo is terrifying and has been secretly converted to a vampire by Marc Anthony, and Posh has most certainly had her IT staff enter this information into Poshbot’s run sequence, so that even Poshbot’s circuits know that J. Lo’s evil and vulgarity are to be avoided at all costs. You can see it on Posbhot’s face here. Poshbot’s hard drive is all “Oh FUCK-TO-THE-NO,” because Posh was lounging poolside at Soho House with her remote control shouting “Avert thine eyes! Initiate aversion sequence! Initiate aversion sequence! Duck, scream and hold!”
And finally:
Salient points of interest:
1. Really Marc? A kilt? Made of purple crushed velvet? Really? No, but really? Also, I miss nerdy artiste Marc Jacobs. That Marc Jacobs was hot. This one always looks methed-out. Thanks.
2. I have sat side-by-side on the patio of West Hollywood gay-homosexual watering hole The Abbey (eew, don’t tell anyone) and can report that he is every bit as ridiculous as you would assume. Also, I can never forgive him for this.
3. You also could not pay me enough money to sit on his lap.
4. I like the dress. S’like a bathrobe. S’cute.
For more information about Posh's hairstyles, here's a link to some very sad person's un-updated blog dedicated entirely to the subject.
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