The Gospel According to John

Please baby Jesus...

This would be the most amazing thing to ever happen to me ever.

Ever.

Apparently, a thee-yater company in Dublin is puttting together a....

wait for it....

.................

It's---wait! No!

Let's play a guessing game!!!!

Okay. So. What do you get when you take:

+

+

?

Did you guess a Macbeth-themed musical about my precious Posh and that soccer guy?

YOU WIN!!!

I know what you're thinking: "John the Craptist, now really. Nothing THIS WONDERFUL can possibly be true in such a sullied and pain-ridden world."

Oh but it is, pets, it is. You can read it from the horse's mouth right here.

See? Told ya.

This shi* better come to New York I will fuc*ing cut someone. I'm serious. I can't afford a plane ticket to Chicago for Labor Day weekend at a friend's busted cabin, let alone a plane ticket to fuc*ing DUBLIN to see this.

HOWEVER--and this is a big however--I might have to find a way, because I have a feeling that for devotees of She of Celestial Perfection, this is something akin to a pilgrimage to Mecca. Surely, it's at the very least one of the Five Pillars of Faith.

And, as we know, she is to be praised and prized above all else. Even if this will only be her in effigy, I must attend.

I haven't a choice.
 

Blasphemy!

I feel it is a common misconception that Britain and other European countries do not have white trash.

White trash is different than Eurotrash, mind. Eurotrash is that sort of cologne-soaked, cigarette smoke-encase, H&M fashion-victim, gentleman's handbag sort of thing. White trash is, of course, white trash. Do you see the distinction?

Having lived in Europe for a bit (you shut up and stop that sniggering. London does so count as Europe and two months does so count as 'living.' I'm very international and you're jealous), I can tell you with 100% certainty that Europe DOES have white trash. And their antics are every bit as intolerable and immoral as our homegrown variety. They just have nicer accents.

To wit:

(The Karen Walker pop-in was added by the bloggers I stole this photo from)

According to the snarky British bloggers I stole this from (visit them here, they're great fun), this lovely couple have had their names legally changed to David and Victoria Beckham.

No seriously. The plywood on the right side is because vagrants, miscreants and vandals have been harrassing them. I get the impression from their expressions that they think this is because people hate the Beckhams and hence hate the ersatz-Beckhams for adopting their name. But I'm more inclined to think it's because this whole thing is just so hopelessly sad. This is the adult version of that dirty kid at school who tells lies all the time. Or that girl who only wears sweatshirts with pictures of kittens in a basket. You know, or like that kid who weighed 400 lbs and smelled like cheese and whose favorite snack was pretzels covered in grated cheddar then microwaved and drizzled with ranch dressing and claimed his mother was British and that he was having a torrid affair with the class's most eligible bachelor even though his mother didn't have an accent and the class's most eligible bachelor was into tall, slender effeminate men.

Sorry, I got sidetracked thinking about someone from my past.

Anyway, my point is that I'm thinking the vandalism is due to them being fuc*ing RETARDED and not to do with anything to do with the Beckhams--Posh and Becks, that is, not the ABOVE Beckhams--themselves. Also, does anyone else think that the above Mrs. Beckham looks a bit like she's about to lurch forward and try to eat someone?

More importantly, this is just unacceptable blasphemy of our world's most glorious woman and her delicious husband. Huffalumps have no right assuming their identities. I won't have it. And Posh will not be mocked. You can be sure she WILL have her divine retribution.