You’re kidding right?
No, but for real.
No, no—really. Seriously.
No, but I’m serious here though. Just, for a second, be serious.
You’re kidding right?
Are you really falling for this woman? Because you seem to be. You seem to all think that she’s some kind of hero, some kind of straight-talking savior, and I’m just deeply, deeply confused as to where in the ever-loving hell you would get this idea.
Because, friends, this woman’s a fucking idiot.
I recently got into an argument in a coffee shop with a man—a lifelong East Coast Democrat—who said that he felt more comfortable voting for McCain now because Sarah Palin is more experienced than Barack Obama.
Hmm…right. Huh. Okay. Well. I guess that’s one way of looking at it. I mean, in actuality, I suppose I’m technically more experienced at yoga than some of my instructors. After all, I’ve been doing yoga since 2001, and one of my teachers has only been doing it for two years. Nevermind that I only do it like once a month and have enough of a gut that I can’t even do half the positions and have never successfully done a headstand in seven years and the fact that she’s certified and has done yoga every day since 2006. I’m still, if you think about it, more experienced.
Except that I’m not.
Personally, I tend to think that it’s not the NUMBER OF YEARS one has spent in politics but the CONTENT of those years that matters. I’m kind of funny that way, you know? I look at the fact that Sarah Palin’s resume includes being the mayor of a town of 7,000 people and the governor of a vast swath of tundra whose entire population is just a touch smaller than that of Lousiville, Kentucky’s, and then weigh it against two years’ service in the FEDERAL GOVERNMENT as a UNITED STATES SENATOR preceded by some 20 years working in local politics in THE THIRD LARGEST CITY IN AMERICA whose population outweighs that of the entire state of Alaska by roughly TWO MILLION PEOPLE, and I tend to come out on the side of the latter being more experienced when the task at hand is RUNNING THE MOST POWERFUL NATION IN THE WORLD.
But that’s just me.
But the real issue here isn’t even experience. It’s more about qualifications, you know? And when I consider the following “qualifications”:
*a history of banning books from Alaska’s libraries
*being—or would be, if people gave enough of a shit to give a shit—embroiled in scandals about:
making Alaska’s rape victims pay for their own rape kits
having a state trooper fired for scorning her sister
leaving the tiny town of Wasilla with an enormous debt
accepting millions of dollars in earmarks despite claiming to be fiscally hawkish
and many, many more
*claiming to be a champion for mothers of disabled children despite planning to be vice president of the most powerful country in the world after giving birth to a disabled infant six months ago
*having recently been questioned about the Bush Doctrine and clearly having had NO IDEA WHAT IT IS (see above)
*thinking Vladimir Putin is still the #1 guy in charge of Russia (though I suppose I can give a pass for this, since this is in essence like scolding someone for saying Dick Cheney is the #1 guy in charge of the United States. He is in practice even if not on paper. Still. Points off.)
*pronouncing nuclear ‘nucular’
*I could go on but why bother
I tend think to myself “Hmm, I don’t know that this is the type of person I want to be ‘a heartbeat away from the Presidency’”—which she would be, by the way, since John McCain is 72 years old and in poor health already.
But again, that’s just me.
But you know? Maybe I’m going about this wrong. See, I’m trying to appeal to your intellects, and really, does that EVER work in this country? Facts are so tedious aren’t they?
So instead, sit back, shove one hand in your pants to keep it warm, and use the other to shovel Chee-tos (mmm…Chee-tos…) into your mouth while you watch some comediennes break it down for you in far simpler terms than my silly logic.