Stop caring about this. NOW.

Okay, I'm sorry. I don't care a whit about this girl or these photos, but I DO care about people caring.

That makes no sense. I don't care.

This is so f'ing stupid. Number one, the picture's not THAT bad.

Right? I mean, my God. Simmer down, Elizabeth Proctor. It ain't that big a deal. Yes, Horseteeth's Miley's fanbase is mainly, what? 8 year olds? Fine. Inappropes for that age group? Probably. I'll give them that.

And is it kinda creepy that Billy Ray and his trailer-trash-makes-good wife allowed Miley to do this photoshoot? Definitely. I'll be honest--no 15-yr-old daughter of mine would be permitted to take her top off in front of strangers for a photo shoot. Sorry. Not because I think a 15 year old's sexuality or body is dirty. But because as a parent, you need to send a message to your fuc*ing kid that getting her tits out isn't gonna fly till she's a legal adult! HELL-FUC*ING-OH?!

But let's look at the facts here.

#1: How many 8 year olds do you know that read Vanity Fair? MUH-FUC*ING ZERO, that's how many.

#2: Disney's outrage is horshi*. Why? Because I don't give a hell WHAT they say. SOMEONE from Disney was in on this shi*. Please. Disney is run like the fuc*ing Gestapo, and Miley is their cash cow right now. There is NO WAY someone from Disney was not present at this photo shoot. NO WAY. And in fact, Whoopi, on 'The View' the other day (yeah, I watch 'The View.' Whut boo?) said the same thing, and she's been up in this business for a long ass time. A huge company like Disney is not going to allow something like this to go down if it thinks it's going to ruin one of its franchises. Please.

#4: Have these people looked at a fashion ad lately? We have seen people YOUNGER than Miley in MUCH more seductive outfits and poses than this! Please.

#5: Okay, for instance, Brooke Shields back in the day! Remember those uber-suggestive Calvin Klein ads she was in? Bitch was like SIXTEEN talking about her Calvins and getting in her pants and shi*! And that was like nearly THIRTY FUC*ING YEARS AGO!

#6: Okay, and also? What about BRITNEY SPEARS?! Remember how Brit was 15 when 'Hit Me Baby One More Time' came out? Sure, there was a MIIIINOR amount of uproar over that video, but all these suburban idiots still saw fit to let their 8 year olds idolize Britney. So what the fuc*?! How is this WORSE than Britney's slutty schoolgirl chic?

#6: The picture of Miley with her daddy Billy Ray is WAY FUC*IN CREEPIER!!!

GAAAHHH!

Am I wrong? I mean, eew! I look at this and I see a creepy pedophile controlling his victim, who stares out stoically trying to convey how hurt-but-not-hurt she is. It gives me the shivers!

But OBVIOUSLY, that's NOT what's going on in this photo! How do I know? BECAUSE I'M NOT RETARDED. But I guess this is more kosher because there's not--GASP!--a BARE SHOULDER SHOWING!!!!!

AAAACK!!!! AVERT THINE EYES CHILDREN!!!! MILEY CYRUS'S NAKED SHOULDER WILL MAKE YOU START FINGERING YOURSELVES AND THEN YOUR INNOCENCE WILL BE BETRAYED AND YOU'LL END UP FUC*ING AT THE AGE OF 8 AND TURN INTO A SATAN-WORSHIPPING TEENAGE PARENT WITH AIDS AND A MASTURBATION ADDICTION!!!!!! GAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

I mean, give me a fuc*ing break. These are the same retards that steamrolled Dixie Chicks albums a couple years ago. God, they're SO GROSS.

The silver lining is of course that maybe this Hannah Montana crap will stop infecting our senses, but the chances of that are slim to none. Please, if Vanessa Hudgens can still be around after pictures of her blowing a dude surfaced, Disney can CERTAINLY weather this stupid scandal.

Unfortunately.